Merry Christmas!!

Bug was awake and looking around

She loves to snuggle with her Daddy

Christmas Angel!

First time at Church, she did so good!

Passed out cold w/ the pacifier

Cousin love!

Future BFF's

They took turns bopping each other in the face

Daddy snuggles

Sleeping babe @ the doctor's office

No pictures, no pictures!

Cutest.Girl.Ever.

She's really into her activity mat lately....

Thanks, Aunt Dana!!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! Our 10 week old sweetheart had a wonderful holiday, surrounded by loving family. Her great Aunt Judy and Cousin Mark flew in from Rio and from Florida, and we were so blessed to be able to spend time with them. Her great grandparents also got to hold her, and she told me she really enjoyed being cuddled by her Pop and Granny! I am so, so happy that she was able to see everyone. She hadn't met her Uncle Brett yet, so that was a very happy time too. She was the perfect little bunny and slept most of the time. We get to have our 2nd Christmas with CJ's family on NYE, so that will be a joyous time to look forward to. She has some more cousins and aunts and uncles that she'll get to meet for the 1st time! We still have to be very careful about who holds her, and definitely who breathes on her/kisses her, but I have been praying that sickness and infection can't touch her this holiday season, and I feel the Lord protecting her. She has been very snotty lately, but it comes and goes in waves. All we can do for her is bulb her and do the saline drops, and have her around the cool mist humidifier. She isn't running a fever or exhibiting a lot of symptoms. Just congested and a little fussier than normal. We are trying to snuggle the snot out of her ; )

So we think we have figured out why her eating problems have been occuring and effectively solved the problem. Basically we called the pedi and explained what was going on and she thought Avery might have reflux. She called in a Rx for Prevacid, but as luck (or God) would have it, the Walmart by our house was out of it at the time. The same night, CJ was getting a bottle ready for me to feed the babe and remarked that my milk smelled like soap. Soap!! And I had just so happened to have been up very late one night the week before and reading thebump.com about a woman with the same problem. Although I didn't remember what it meant. I immediately Googled "soapy smelling breastmilk" (what mother wouldn't want to look that up??) and found out that, in effect, my milk is not tasting so good to the bebe girl. Every woman has a digestive enzyme in their breastmilk that aids the baby to break down the fats in said milk. I happen to have an overabundance of this enzyme, called lipase. Once frozen and then thawed, it causes my milk to taste and smell like soap. How gross. No wonder the kid was pushing her bottles away! We were able to test the theory shortly thereafter as I had just gotten done pumping fresh milk as she was shunning her thawed bottle of milk. She sucked that baby down in about 8 minutes. Problem solved! I was so very happy to have figured it out, and that it wasn't anything wrong with Avery, and mostly that we weren't going to have to medicate her at all. Then I immediately became incredibly sad as the pedi told me I would have to dump my (close to) 1500 oz of frozen breastmilk. Seriously. I fought back the big tears. I had pumped and given so much time and love in order to provide this to my daughter, and now you're telling me to dump it in the garbage?? Upon further research, we have determined that most likely, I can actually donate the milk.... some babies (unfortunately not my own) WILL drink the soapy milk. And also that some frozen and thawed milk Avery will drink. It really just depends how far back it was frozen. Thus far we've determined 2 weeks ago is doable, but a month is not. I plan on figuring out how to go about this donation process soon, and I really do consider it a blessing now! I will have to start pumping more in order to provide Gracie with enough fresh milk to get through the day/night, but my supply is where it needs to be. And I am able to potentially bless little babes in the NICU like AG that need breastmilk to build up their immune systems. Double score! I really do pray that a bank is able to accept the frozen milk. Ave has been drinking about 24-27 oz per day now and is really chunking up. Well, for her anyway : ) We went to get her 2nd dose of the RSV shot last week (see the picture of her and Dad making a scrunchy face... that was post cry session for both Mom and baby) and she is over 8 pounds!!! Can you believe it??? I did a happy dance right there in the office!

She has been having a little bit of the stuffy nose and random coughs lately, but isn't running fever or exhibiting any other symptoms. In many ways, she is really a lot like a 2 month old.... she's picking her head up on her own a lot and making eye contact constantly. She has just started reaching for CJ and I's faces and today she grabbed my nose and held on for a about 30 seconds! It was so cute, I can't stand it. She is really loving the lights and music on her activity mat (thank you SO MUCH, Aunt Dana!!) and I've been reading to her at night and listening to lullabies while she eats her nightly bottles. I'm really looking forward to meeting with the developmental therapists to get some ideas of things we should be doing with her at this age. That being said, she is still a newborn. She sleeps most of the day and only wakes to eat before falling into her familiar milk coma. She has been more alert in between meals a day or two here and there, but its very random. At night, its hit or miss. Sometimes she is up crying/fussing most of the night and sometimes she sleeps like a log. We can't really start trying to rectify her getting her days and nights confused just yet, as she's technically still "a newborn". But believe me, Dad and Mom are just waiting on pins and needles for the day she sleeps a 5 hours stretch!

All in all, she's a perfect baby. Well, maybe not perfect, but perfect for our family. She got to go to church on Christmas Eve and sit in the newborn room with us. One great thing about being in the NICU: the kid doesn't wake up for ANYTHING. I'm telling you the bass in that place was hurting my eardrums, and she just kept on snoozin! I can't wait for her to get older and go to Vacation Bible School and Sunday School and be in the Christmas program at church. She's gonna have so much fun : )

On the homefront, I have been working at my old center a few days this week and last week. We continue to pray that a permanent position opens up for me somewhere within this company. Financially, we are needing that door to open pretty quickly! But just as God taught us in the NICU, its all in His time. When He is ready to provide that job for me, He will. I trust that. For now, I will be thankful that I am working the days that I am and the rest of the time, I'm able to stay home with the babe and soak her baby-ness in!

We thank God for His many, many blessings this Christmas. Of family, of friendships, of growth, and togetherness, and love. This year has been one for the record books, that's for sure! We had gotten married and had a child in under 365 days! Actually closer to 240 days, if you can believe that. We have so very much to be thankful for, and I wish the closeness we feel on Christmas could be inserted into every single day. It was amazing to see my family bond with Avery. To see how my little cousin has grown into a not so little, pretty amazing adult. To hug my grandmother's sister, and feel a little (or a lot) of my Grandma hugging me back. To watch my Dad attempt to burp his granddaughter and see the love in his eyes for her.... I'm fairly sure he never imagined that is something he would one day get to do. How blessed am I to be surrounded by all these people who love unconditionally, who pray for us, who think about us, who've been so wrapped up in Avery's journey for the past 5 months that it probably has become a daily occurrence to check this very blog for any updates on her? I know (and thank the Lord) that there are more people than I can feasibly imagine that I was not surrounded by on Christmas, that do the very same things. We are so lucky. We have the sweetest, most beautiful Christmas miracle there ever was. And she is the very reason that I have fallen so deeply in love with the Lord. The reason I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that any problems our family has faced, is facing, or will face will be overcome in His name.... now and forever. He's already waged the war and won the battle for us. He did so all those years ago, when He was born in a barn in Bethlehem. And so it is my greatest wish, and prayer for everyone that is reading this, that the next 365 days will be filled with more love, more blessings, a greater and deeper relationship for you and the Lord, and as much happiness and laughter as your heart can hold. That we can treat every day as if it was Christmas : )

Love,
Avery Grace and her Mama

Happy 9 weeks, Avery Grace!

Sleepy Girl melts my heart 

So comfy on Mommy's chest!

Dad and the babes hanging out

Just chillin with her huge paci

Baby Girl is 2 months old!

She makes me laugh : )

Hi everyone!! Hope your week was blessed! We've had a great one here at the Whitmire household. Dad finished up his final exams and has been equally helping out with Mom with the baby (SO SO SO HAPPY!!) It's been nice to have him home and spending quality time with us. We've started on our Christmas shopping and are putting plans in place for where we'll be on each night during the holidays. They still haven't found a permanent position for me at work, but we continue to pray that wherever God wants me, that door will open with gusto. Since I don't like surprises, Christopher let me pick out and purchase what I wanted for Christmas, and I actually like that much better! No returns! Avery was going to have her newborn pictures made today by the wonderful and supremely talented Cindie (Tanna's Mother in Law), but CJ and I have been sick for the better part of the week, and we all decided it would be better to push them off till after the holidays. I guess we can still take pictures of her in a Santa hat or something, just for our sake : ) We would have to get all fancied up, and Cindie was right... who wants to get dressed when you feel like poop?? She is such a blessing to our lives, and I'm thankful I get to have her in mine. We can't wait to get her over here when we feel better and take some pictures of our sweet girl! Speaking of that sweet girl.... she is 2 months old!! How time has flown. I can't believe I've gotten to be this precious babe's Mommy for 2 months. She continues to make every single day the best of my whole life. Even when she's busy not sleeping at night ; )

We went to the pediatrician on the 13th and checked out at 6 lbs, 11.5 oz and 18 3/4 inches long!! She is in the 25th percentile for premature babies her age, but is continuing on the right track. She also got 3 shots that day, and did surprisingly well. She only cried for about 5 minutes. However, we hit a milestone on this day.... an actual tear was in her eye. I. DIED. My child actually was so upset, she shed a real tear : ( We were anticipating fever and fatigue and perhaps some problems eating, but in the end, she was only very sleepy. She ate well and did not ever run a fever. The doc also said that her blood levels indicated we could move her from the iron drops to just vitamin D drops which are WAY easier on her tummy. Hallelujah!! At this point she was eating from 100-110 mL's every 3 hours (8 times a day). We did get the go ahead to start feeding her more often during the day so perhaps she would sleep longer during the night... so we did what every OCD parent does. Makes a schedule. On paper. But Avery had other plans for us....

At first, we were feeding her 2 oz every 2 hours during the day and 4 oz during the night, hoping that would sustain her for a longer period. Very quickly, she let us know that didn't fly with her. She would cry and still be hungry after giving her 2 oz and she threw up the 4 oz bottle 2 out of the 3 we gave her. Through a few days of trial and vomit/crying error, we have tentatively settled on feeding her 2.5 oz every 2-3 hours and 3.5 oz starting at 10 PM through the night. The bigger bottles give us anywhere from 3.5-4 hours of sleep... merely a little more time than we were getting before. But she has shown that she can't take 4 oz yet, so we'll be patient and hope for the best. Right now we are taking 4 hour shifts, Cj and I. Since we both aren't working/going to school, the days have been filled with much laziness as we try and get some sleep when we can. 

I scheduled the 2 follow up ultrasounds for her head and kidneys as well as her second round RSV shot. Those will be done next week (shot) and the 2nd week in January (ultrasounds). She did get an AWESOME bill of health from the pediatrician, who said (and I quote), "Whatever you are doing, you are doing fabulously, she looks great, keep up the great work". BAM. Happy Mom and Dad!

She is also pooping a lot (although not on my face and/or the carpet or her changing table) and had a bit of a diaper rash that looked concerning. However, since switching to the Sensitive Wipes, its looking a lot better. At night we just notice that the majority of the time, she is squirming around and crying like she is very uncomfortable. Although there is nothing "wrong" with her! Not wet/dirty, not hungry, not hot/cold, no fever. Maybe we're just holding her wrong, I don't know. The last 2 nights haven't been as bad, she is sleeping a little more soundly, thank the Lord. I know this will pass and I'm not too worried about it. I like staying up and watching The Office! I've almost watched all 7 seasons... wonder which series I should start on next??

On a much brighter note, CJ and I have been doing a lot better since he's been out of school. With him being able to hold her and feed her and allow me to get some of my things done, the stress has been minute at best. Thank you for your prayers and support. No one said marriage would be easy, but he is honestly and truly my best friend. I feel so blessed, so lucky to have him be my husband, the father to my child. We may encounter rough patches and I know that is just a way of life. It doesn't have to mean anything other than we are stressed out over money, over the baby, over silly things that don't matter... we should just take deep breaths and move on. And I think that is what we are able to do now. The last 2 Sundays I haven't been able to attend church, but was able to watch the sermons online today. The guest speaker they had said something that resonated very much with my soul.  He said, "Some of God's greatest and highest mountains are our lowest and toughest valleys". How true is this!!! Another sermon I watched had a woman who said, "How easy is it to give back to God when we have an overabundance? Sometimes, God wants us to give back out of sacrifice". I have come to love our church, and hope that life (and health) allow us to get back soon! God has taken the valleys of my life, especially over the past 4 months, and turned them into mountains. I can say that with 100% certainty. The depths of despair, over Avery's health, over the loss of my job, over arguing with CJ, that I have experienced are, in retrospect, not so bad after all. Because God has shown me that He is in control. That He knows what He's doing. That I have to put all of my trust in Him in order for Him to show me the way my life is to go. It has only been when I'm at my weakest, my breaking point, throwing up my hands in the air in utter defeat with any given situation, that the Lord says, "Finally. Now I can take over. Thank you for giving this all to me". Now why didn't I just save myself some heartache and do that in the first place?? Because even though I know this is the final outcome, I still try in my human and fallible ways, to control situations I have business doing so. I have come to realize that in my darkest days, Jesus is using that weakness to turn it into a positive outcome. And I need to give back to Him when I have nothing.... not wait until He has blessed the socks off of me! Because even though, yes we need more of an income, and yes, we could get along better, and yes, I would love Avery to sleep longer at night and allow us to get some much needed rest.... he has already blessed me/us abundantly. And even if I don't get a position that I want at my company again, and even if CJ and I don't communicate the best and even if Avery gets sick... it won't negate the fact that He has already blessed my socks off. In too many ways to count. I feel it really heavy on my heart for us to begin to tithe in the way God intended and need to pray about this and research this as well. After the new year, we also want to contact someone about getting more involved in volunteering and perhaps a small group. Our schedules I know will be so hectic, but maybe the Lord will have be somewhere part-time so that I can effectively take care of Avery, work, and work in the church. The coolest thing is, I trust that God's plan is already laid out for me, and all I have to do is wake up and thank Him for it. Listen to Him when He calls. Follow Him when He says where to go. It's definitely a struggle sometimes, but this relationship that Jesus and I have developed is by the far the most rewarding and amazing thing that has ever happened to me. 

I hope that this next week is filled with joy, laughter, and smiles!! It's almost Christmas, people!! xox

8 Weeks and 1 Day old!!

Baby Girl in her fancy pj's

She loves her new swing... thanks Grandma!

Franken-baby!! (her head looks so big!)

Sweet, beautiful birthday girl!!

About to snooze with Grandma and Mommy

Hi everyone! Hope you're having a wonderful Monday so far! We got through the weekend without Dad with success! Luckily, Grandma let me sleep for a few more hours at a time than I normally do... she is the biggest blessing in the world! We are so lucky to have her in our lives, and as much as we do. She loves Avery and would do anything in the world for her, and I see so much of the passion and dedication in her that my own Grandmother possessed. I couldn't ask for anything better.

We kinda had a busy weekend! We had dinner over at a friend of ours house (first time trying chicken parm, it was DELISH!!) and we had a great time. Thank God for new friends! I firmly believe God has so opened my heart in amazing ways to experiences that garner new friendships. Love you Jess!! Grandma stayed with us that night and it was filled with laughter and lots of snuggles. Then Saturday we were able to be a little lazy and Aunt Carly came over and visited with us for about 2 hours. She is also such a blessing! How great to be able to talk to someone who has a daughter so close in age to Avery, and a person I pretty much love a whole lot as well. It was such a nice time for her to come over and kiss on Avery and offered a bit of adult interaction for me. The rest of the evening we just hung out on the couch, and read some bedtime stories too. Avery is doing awesome at holding her head up when she is against your shoulder or on your chest. Who needs traditional Tummy Time?! NOT US!

Sunday I wanted to go to church, but got virtually no sleep and knew I had a long day of driving ahead, so decided to try and catch a couple hours of zzzz's and vowed to watch the service online later when CJ got home with the computer (whose fan is currently whirring at an extremely loud and annoying pitch, making it very hard to concentrate!) My mom and I tagged team Avery and got me showered and ready, Avery bathed and rocked, and her diaper bag packed to go to Grandpa and Mimi's house for the afternoon while I went to Sophia's birthday party. After I fed her her bottle with vitamins in it, I burped her and gave her the second bottle with yummy plain breast milk in it. She was kind of fussy, but she's been having some stomach issues lately, so I went ahead and kept feeding her. Big Mistake. As I tipped her back and put the bottle in her mouth once again, she projectile vomited all over me and the living room. And she started choking on it. It was coming out of her nose and her eyes were huge and I could tell she couldn't breathe. I flipped her over and started hitting her back very hard as we learned in our NICU discharge class. She would cry a little and then continue to not breathe. I was the most scared I'd probably ever been in my life. I'm so thankful she was conscious this whole time, and eventually she let out a big cry and collapsed in my arms, clearly tired from wretching. My poor baby.... it broke my heart to see her like that. I immediately emailed my buddy Hannah from our NICU (you are a lifesaver!!) and asked if the vitamins could have been bad or what could have caused this. I think the best thing for us to do is to start splitting up her dose again. We were giving her the entire 1 mL of vitamin with about 30 mL of breastmilk. But I think that amount of iron at one time is too much for her tummy. So it's back to .5 twice a day. We'll do whatever we have to to keep that from happening again!

We got her all cleaned up and off to Grandpa's house. They were so excited to keep her. I drove an hour out to Tanna's and had the pleasure of spending the afternoon and some evening with her family, whom I fully adopted as my own. How amazing is God, that He has blessed me with a complete set of relatives that I am completely in love with? It was great to see everyone, and especially my little Sophia. Who coincidentally, is not so little anymore. Where did 4 years go?? I still remember holding her when she was born... I remember looking at Tanna and knowing that from now to forever, our lives would never be the same. And being so happy that this little angel was the reason. The way Sophie loves me is awesome.... I haven't been around kids all that often in my adult life, so to build a relationship with her has been a continuous high point in my life. I know that Avery will love me the same way, but even more so, and I look forward to that more than ever. Yesterday was a great day : ) Avery kept down the remainder of her bottles and for the most part slept peacefully through the night. 

I noticed today that she has a rash of some sort on her face and neck and head... I'm thinking it's baby acne, but not sure. She is also having runny poop! But eating and sleeping well- not too many gas issues keeping her awake. We go to the pediatrician tomorrow, and I can't wait to see how much she weighs! I have a list of things to ask her, so I'm sure we'll be there awhile. I believe she will also get her 2 month shots, and I am praying she doesn't have too bad of a reaction to them. I don't want a sick baby : ( 

I'm working at my old job 4 days this month, so thank you Jesus for that!! Hopefully they will find a full time position for me soon, as I definitely need to go back to work. I'd love to stay home with Avery forever, but one of us has to have a job. CJ gets out of school this week, so we will have about 2-3 weeks off together with the baby. 

I've been having a slight slump lately, and I know I need to get my act together (prayer wise). CJ and I are having some hiccups as of late, and I know we are both not dealing with them in the way God wants for us. I know the way that I behave is not pleasing to the Lord, and that makes me sad. It's such a struggle, between doing what comes natural (being human) and leading a life that is, in all ways, makes God happy. My ego says, "No, you are wrong, and you can't give in when you are clearly in the right on this!" But I know that that shouldn't matter. I can feel God telling me I shouldn't let this matter to me. The emotions I'm feeling towards CJ are overwhelming at times, and its in these times, I know more than ever, I need to look to God for guidance... for Him to hold my tongue and soften my heart and speak for me. I pray that we can get through this. I pray that the devil doesn't win this battle. I pray that we are strengthened in our marriage and can find a way to get through to the easy part, of being married, of being parents, of being adults that are responsible for our own actions. I don't know that there is necessarily a magical "easy part", but I've heard rumors. I pray that somehow, we can stay on track and love eachother enough for all the petty things not to matter. I pray for change. I pray for dedication. I pray that no matter what, we are able to bring Avery up in a loving and calm and peaceful home, full of God's love and grace. Would you please pray with me for this? Thank you so much.

I will get this little one all dressed up fancy for her 8 week old picture. Also I want to take a picture of the beautiful gifts that Cindie and Pam made for Avery! Coming soon....xox

Our babe officially has a double chin- SCORE!

Wide awake in her comfy bouncy seat- Thank you Tanja!!!

My pretty pretty princess

In Dad's arm before her eye appt

Little One loves her Mommy's kisses!

Two words: DOUBLE.CHIN.

Mom, Avery and her new pretty outfits from Beth!

Happy Thursday evening, everyone!! I'm sitting comfortably in my bed with a glass of wine, while my husband is holding Avery Grace and watching the Wonder Years on Netflix. Have I said this before?.... life is good.

Mom had a little scare the other day while CJ was at school- Avery projectile vomited up her 8:30 AM bottle and was very fussy while she was doing so. I chalked it up to not burping enough. But her 11:30 bottle came up as well... and these were no wet burps. She was sitting in her car seat an hour later and threw up. I cleaned that up and held her until she fell asleep. Then I had to pump so I had to sit her in her bouncy seat, in which she promptly threw up some more. At this point, I was thinking, "Definitely my milk... am I going to start to have to feed her formula only?? Noooooo, please Lord, I have 300+ bags of frozen breastmilk, and I really need my daughter to not have some crazy, all-of-the-sudden allergy to my milk." I debated for a long while about whether or not to call her pediatrician. But I felt strongly that I knew what she would ask. "What's her temp?" (98.5) "Is she crying or looking like she's in pain?" (No, not really, she's sleeping peacefully in between feedings, but she is looking uncomfortable during the bottle) "Have you eaten anything different lately?" (Besides my standard Nutrigrain bar and chocolate milk at 2:45 AM... nope) I feel like she would have told me to try one more bottle and see how it went. So I just did that and forewent the call to the pedi. And lo and behold, she's been fine since then. Better than fine, even. She's moved successfully from 85 to 90 cc's per feeding. If you're not mathmaically inclined (and this SO includes me): that is 3 oz per bottle!! I was reading in my baby book that "normally" babies should take 2 and half ounces for every pound that they weigh. SO, if Avery has continued to gain an ounce a day, she would weigh about 6 lbs today. That would mean she should be eating 15 ounces per day. And this superstar is eating 24 ounces! I'm so very proud of her. She is still having some gas and grunting issues, but we've tried to give her gas drops when we feel its particularly bad. I'm happy to report no more pooping on my face or the carpet. I now stand directly to the side of her and use a mirror to peek at her hiney..... no, I'm kidding. I get down in the thick of it. C'mon, what's a little poop on your face in the name of motherhood??

Avery Grace had her followup eye appt today to see if her blood vessels had connected to around to her corneas correctly... or something to that effect. The doctor happily (or normally... the news was happy so I interpreted it as such) informed us that they had almost connected and would surely do so with no ramifications within the next few weeks. We made an appt for 6 weeks out to double check, and we thank the Lord this was what was found! 

I have a confession to make.... I'm not doing Tummy Time. That's right, I said it. The pedi told us to do it 3x a day for 5 min a time. And we haven't been. My reasoning is this: When I put this princess on my chest and she fully picks her head up, looks at me, and puts her head down on the opposite side AND picks her head up for 10+ seconds from my shoulder when I'm burping her, I'm not really that concerned with her lacking neck strength. Maybe I should be. Maybe I should suck it up, lay the kid on her belly, and let her squirm. I definitely plan to be more vigilant about this as she starts to be awake more, but let's face it. The girl is only awake directly before and directly after her meals, and NO ONE should have to lay on their bellies and be uncomfortable when they are hungry/full!! I mean, that's just rude. So this will suffice until she is more awake/alert in the middle of her feedings, which I read will increase when she is full term (in about 2 weeks!!) We have a few appts with developmental counselors set up, and they can better assess what and where she is supposed to be at. I started reading the storybooks I bought her tonight, and she stayed awake the whole time and was looking at the pictures. It was so stinkin cute. She eventually drifted off, but I loved this time we got to share, doing the thing I love most: reading!

CJ is going out of town tomorrow, and I/we have a pretty busy weekend. Dinner plans tomorrow, Aunt Carly coming to visit Saturday, and Sophia's 4th birthday on Sunday. (I can't believe my little bear is 4 years old!! I remember so clearly the day she was born and I felt love like I never had when I held her in the hospital. She groomed me for motherhood, that's for sure. If Avery is half the wonderfullness that Sophia is, I would be the happiest Mama in the world. Sophia had my heart first!) I went a little crazy getting her stuff, half of which I'm certain she'll never play with. I haven't been able to get to see her since my baby shower, and I'm looking forward to spending time with her and her Mommy!

Otherwise, the Whitmire family is pretty quiet and docile. We have a routine that we follow religiously, and that works for us. Motherhood is stressful and tiring, and by far the best and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I just want to do the best by Avery that I possibly can. I want to read to her and play with her and make sure she is smart and capable and independent... all things that I'm sure come well after she is 7 weeks old : ) Obviously the Whitmire clan moves in the fast lane! I look forward to our routine changing 162 more times in the coming months, as Avery matures and is more and more like a term baby. We are having her pictures made next Sunday by the lovely and very talented, Mrs. Cindie Vaughan!! (Tanna's mother in law) Hopefully Avery keeps the scrunch faces to a bare minimum. Maybe Cindie can photoshop a freaking tan onto the kid, her skin is so transparent still! We can see her blood vessels, its crazy!

As always, we thank the Lord for continuing to keep Avery safe and sound. I've been a little more emotional lately (I started on the Depro birth control shot last week), and with that has unfortunately come a lot more agitation. Please pray for my patience and understanding towards my husband and family/friends, hahaha! They will thank you!! I honestly can't wait to go back to church Sunday. I feel so at peace, so whole when I'm there. When I stumble during the week, its church service that makes me renewed. Thank you Jesus for always being with me, for forgiving me when I'm weak, for protecting Avery with your angels, and blessing our family over and over. I can't say it enough... GOD IS SO GOOD!! 

I will definitely let everyone know how the 1st weekend without Daddy went as soon as he returns with the computer. Until then... have a wonderful and blessed weekend!! xox

Happy 7 week old Baby!!

Baby Girl is growing up so fast!

Bowie gets up to feed her with me at 2 AM... what a trooper

Dad filing her nails

Out of 164 pacifiers, she only sucks on the one from the hospital

Dainty baby sleeping

Hi everyone! Little one is doing really good still at home with her Mommy and Daddy. She continues to get bigger and make us deliriously happy. I can see more and more of her personality emerge every day, and I can't wait until she gets older and really shows us what she's made of : )  

This week Avery Grace had some issues with eating. And gas/burping. We gave her some gripe water and then fed her, which she promptly spit up...actually maybe throw up may be a more accurate term. We let her rest for a bit and then refed her about an ounce, just so she wasn't crying with hunger. She spit up again a little and fell fast asleep right after. I hate when she throws up, I can just see in her face how much it tires her. She didn't end up finishing the next bottle b/c she was so tired. She's eating 80 cc's consistently, which is good. We tried to give her 3 full ounces per feeding (90 cc's), but she threw that up a couple times before we decided her tiny tummy wasn't quite ready for that amount. We'll move up to 85 probably sometime this week and hopefully all goes well. 

We also tried to give her a bath after feeding her one day (in the hospital, we did bath and then eating), and that did not end well either. She threw up her green, smelly vitamins everywhere after she was all nice and clean! Lesson: do not jostle the baby after she's eaten. She also has to taken to withholding her burps from us for about 15-20 minutes every time she eats. At the magical witching hour of 3:30 AM, this is very frustrating. It's hard to be anything but loving towards this little bear, I mean, have you seen her face?? I really have come to look forward to our snuggle fests between the hours of 2 and 5:30 in the morning... we watch The Office and snooze and get many, many kisses in. She sleeps on my chest and I literally die a little on the inside, trying to soak up every moment I can with her being this little. She has completed my life in ways I didn't know my soul was lacking. I'm so much more a better person, simply because I'm this little girls Mommy. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this beautiful gift!

We have Avery's follow up eye doctor appointment on Thursday, just to make sure her retinas are fully formed now and she has no issues with her eyes and being premature. Her next pediatrician appointment is next Tuesday, and we'll see how big our bear has gotten! I pray that she continues to be a healthy baby, free of any sickness and infection. This is a prayer that will never go away- I worry now more than ever, especially with people coming over and holding/touching her. We haven't really held the "no flu shot, no service" rule to the strictest degree, unfortunately. I stress over that so much. I want everyone in the whole world to come over and see her, touch her, hold her and give her the much deserved kisses I'm sure she loves. But all it takes is one person, whose been around someone sick, or a small germy child, and my baby is back in the NICU. And I cannot handle that, as I hope that everyone understands. It's so difficult to try and pick and choose who is allowed around Avery, and I can't say that I've made the best decisions thus far. I try and be fair. I try and understand how other people feel, not being able to see her. But at the heart of the matter, and the most important thing for me to keep in mind, is that my child's health should be the first and foremost priority to me, and if someone's feelings get hurt in the process, then so be it. My daughter cannot protect herself, and she's counting on me to do so. I have to be braver, to say, "no, I'm sorry, you can't hold her or come over right now".  And I have to be prepared for whatever fallout that incurs.... because at the end of the day, her health means more to me than anything. More than angry family and disappointed friends. I hope that everyone understands that, but I can't snap my fingers and make it happen. I can only pray for acceptance and patience for those who are being held at bay, for the time being. 

We appreciate everyone's love and support and yearning to see and hold our precious baby. We can't wait to show her off to everyone who will look! She's so perfect. But there has to be a "right time", and unfortunately, that might be a little ways off. I didn't pick this for Avery, but we know how blessed we are that she is healthy and happy right now, at home, with us, and that's where we want her to stay. 

I went up to my old job today to talk with my supervisor about coming back to work. With our financial situation, it looks like I will have to go back sometime in the beginning of January. It is with much sadness that I was told I would not be hired back at Grapevine. I miss my Brooke and Crystal so much! I really was blessed more than words with being able to work with those two phenomenal women, who have grown into true and lovely friends. I didn't think my life was able to hold more friendships, as I barely have time to devote to the ones I have. But God knows what He is doing! He put me at that center in order to meet these people and opened my heart and my life so that these friendships could form and enrich my life. What an awesome God that could see how much I benefit from having these girls as friends and co-workers! But alas, they had to hire someone in my extended absence. I understand. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but I was assured that I would have "a job" when I was ready to return. It looks as though by "a job", it might not be exactly what I had in mind. My boss mentioned several options such as only working Saturday and Sunday, and then perhaps being a floater to whatever center needed me. While I would be grateful for anything at this point, it was a little disappointing to not hear, "Okay, this is what we have open, when did you want to start?" I guess that would just be too easy! I just have to pray that the Lord will open up whatever position He wants me in. Proverbs 3:5-6 was brought up in church this past Sunday, and it's something that I've been having to live by every day for the past 12 weeks. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your path straight." So, that's what I'm doing! Giving this situation to God. Trusting completely in Him. Knowing that He will take care of me, whether it be staying with this company or searching elsewhere for a new job. 

We continue to delight in God's plan for us and for our little girl! We're so excited to have our bebe home with us for Christmas- this is going to be the best Christmas we've ever had. Jesus is so faithful to us and we strive to always glorify him in all we do. I can't wait to get presents for the kids who aren't getting much this holiday season... I picked up a list of stuff at church last Sunday. I'm actually going to give some of Avery's stuff, she has so much. Our baby is one lucky and blessed angel, and we need to share our overabundance when we can. Thank you Jesus for all your blessings, for your love, and how clearly You show yourself every single day. Every victory is Yours! 

Hope everyone has a great week, and I will be checking in again in a couple days as CJ will be taking the computer with him this weekend when he goes off to drill. First time alone with the kiddo... wish me luck! (Disclaimer: my mom is probably going to come over and stay the nights with us, but this will be the first time we are without Dad's help) Nervous, but excited for Avery and I's one on one time. Love to all!! xox

Sleep Deprived anyone??

My deep thinking daughter

fast asleep in her bouncy seat

she likes it! Score!

Real ladies sleep like this...very dainty!

Sleepy girl on Mom's chest

How our girl sleeps at night in her newborn napper

My 1st Christmas onesie which she will grow out of by Christmas!

Hi everyone! The Whitmires are chuggin right along this crazy journey called parenthood. We love it. Couldn't possibly be more thankful our baby is home. We had CJ's parents over yesterday to visit with Avery and she was a zombie baby! Wouldn't wake up for anything. But I'm glad they were able to spend some time with her. 

I've noticed that she is waking up and crying more and more before its time for her to eat, which is a good thing. We love hunger cues! So instead of her schedule of 8:30, 11:30, 2:30 and 5:30, its been more like 8:15, 11:00, 2:20, and 4:59. I've also been feeding her anywhere from 75-80 mL's in every bottle. And she's taking it like a champ! I can't wait for her to have some fat rolls on her. Compared to when she left the NICU less than a week ago, she was eating 55-60 mL's in her bottles. So this is great news. The more and more she eats and gains weight, the closer we are to being able to cluster feeding her during the day and perhaps trick her into sleeping more than 2.5 hours continuously during the night. 

As it stands right now in general, I feed her the 8:30 bottle and she falls pretty quickly to sleep. Dad and I hold her until I have to pump at 10, and then I will go to bed. He feeds her at 11:30 and from what I hear, this is when it starts to become more difficult to get her to go to sleep. She will fuss and squirm for about 30 minutes. I think he pretty much comes in and puts her down a little after midnight and with any luck she only grunts and groans for about 10 min. Then I'm up at 1:45 to pump and then get her bottle ready. By this time, she's already crying. Yes, the model baby cries. Who'd a thunk it?!? She was so quiet in the NICU! So, back to the crying. At this point, I'm running around in the dark trying to get my milk into the freezer, while warming her bottle and getting everything set up in her nursery so that the transition between diaper and feeding is seamless for her. I'm rushing into our bedroom to try and scoop her up before she wakes up CJ, so sometimes these things I'm doing are performed one handed. You can't pay for that skill, my friends. Thank God my kid only weighs about 6 pounds. By this feeding, the booger is wide awake. The first couple days I would (after an hour of rocking) just resign myself to the fact that she wasn't going to go to sleep in my arms, so I would put her back in her bed and turn the vibration feature on. And pray for quiet. This would only last approx 12 minutes, at which point she spits her pacifier out and starts to cry in earnest. The only thing that calms her is to be held. So, I get us both up and come onto the couch where she passes out and I half-sleep until she starts crying at 5 to eat again. Enter me stage left... "Dad... DAD..... Christopher! You need to wake up and feed the baby, she's ready to eat early please." He's such a fantastic partner and father. He drags himself up and gets all her stuff ready so that I can crawl into bed and get 2 more hours of sleep until I have to pump again. She doesn't really go back to sleep after her 5:30 bottle either, so sometimes CJ will stay up with her and try everything he can to get her to just shut her sweet baby eyes. I'm up at 7, and then feed her at 8-8:30. From there its pretty easy. By this time, she has tuckered herself out and falls asleep really quickly after eating. So I will either hold her and nap for a bit, or do things around the house while she naps in her carseat or bouncy seat. 

All in all, we are still getting into a routine that works for us. Her first pediatrician appointment went great! On Tuesday she was 5 lbs, 7 oz! All her reflexes and heart and everything sounded and looked great. She got a gold star of health! We were so happy. Her next appt is her 2 month checkup, where I believe she will receive her first round of vaccines. They will also see if she is gaining weight steadily, and if so, we should be green-lighted to start trying to feed her 8-10 times during the day (or every 2 hours instead of 3) and then just letting her sleep as long as she wants during the night. Which, if right now is any indication, won't be that long. But CJ is really needing to sleep more and ya know, I wouldn't mind a few more minutes of shut eye at night either : ) I just don't want to overwhelm her again and tire her out and her shut down and refuse to eat like she did in the NICU. I don't know what will happen, and that is obviously a little scary. I just want to make the best decisions for her, and right now, I feel like she's still so little... I don't know. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. 

I also made the 2 appts for her to be evaluated by developmental therapists, so that will be at the end of December and beginning of January. I think she's doing fine so far- they asked me a series of questions about things she is/isn't doing (such as making eye contact, kicking her feet, reacting to bright lights and loud sounds, etc). I answered yes to all of them, so I can only assume she's on track thus far. But with preemies they have an adjusted age and an actual age, and everyone evaluates her differently. For example, her actual age is 6 wks and 5 days. But her adjusted age is 37 wks 5 days gestational. Meaning she shouldn't have even been born yet. So after December 18th, we start counting her adjusted age in actual numbers. On January 18th, she will be 1 month adjusted age, but 3 months and 3 days actual age. She will probably at that point look like her adjusted age and not her actual one, at least the babies I see on thebump.com do. Her milestones that she needs to hit will that of her adjusted age as well. She's doing really well on Tummy Time, which the pedi wanted us to do 3x a day for 5 min a piece (but only if she is really awake, which isn't that often during the day). All we do is lay her face down with her hands by her head to see if she lifts or moves her head. The exercise is meant to build up neck strength and is really important in a developing baby. I did this for the first time yesterday, and she flipped her head from one side to the other! Not so much picking it up, persay. Although when she is laying face down on our chests, she picks her head up alot! So I'm not really worried about that part of her development. 

Our days pretty much run together now... as if they didn't before! But in a different and wonderful way. I'm trying to sleep when she does, but I just want to hold her, and love on her. Its hard not to snuggle this little bunny when she's right here day and night! But its been difficult for me to remember to do basic things, like grab a shower or brush my hair. I know that sounds gross, but I literally try and cram as much in between her eating as possible, and sometimes doing those things don't make the cut. Oh well, as long as my sweetheart is happy : ) We're also trying gas drops with her, as she doesn't always burp that well and looks so uncomfortable sometimes after she eats. They are working a little I think, but the pedi warned us they wouldn't perform miracles. 

That's about it for now! CJ is at school and I'm about to go have to warm up her bottle to eat. Thank you for continuing to check in with us and our sweet princess. We've come so far and we are beyond grateful, every day. God is so good! He blesses us abundantly in every smile Avery gives us, every cry she lets out, every sigh she makes... He has been our constant calm through all of this craziness, and we thank Him for that. In the hustle and bustle of life with her at home, sometimes I catch myself mid-day forgetting to pray. And its so relieving to just stop whatever I'm doing, wherever I am, and say Thank You. Thank you for bringing my daughter home. Thank you for keeping her safe and healthy. Thank you for remaining faithful in your promises, and for staying the same when life is ever-changing. Thank you for loving us, for protecting us, for showering us with more blessings than we could possibly comprehend. We give our lives to you, to guide and direct, every day. Thank you for coming into our hearts and letting your love shine through our actions, our words, our thoughts. We praise you, love you, honor and glorify you, every day. 

Hope everyone has a fabulous Friday! xox

And we're home!! (also titled: Happy 6 week Baby Day!! 37 weeks gestational age)

My big girl hanging out in her carseat...in the kitchen.

The love of my life, smiling for Momma!

Dad cleaning up baby pee

"What's that you say??"

I know what you're thinking, Mom...

Go ahead, make my day

Come here, I'll give ya a little smooch

Dad "holding" the baby (and playing video games)

She stayed like this for 7 min straight! Hilarious!

Well, we are surviving! We are so happy. Even through the haze of no sleep, we are so thankful to be sleepless. Because that means our babe is home, and she's healthy and that's the best news ever! I've been a little camera happy, as you can tell. I can't help it really... she's so dang cute. Enjoy! Obviously there will be many more to come : )

Saturday night was much like Friday. She slept in the bassinet portion of her Pack n Play... or rather, grunted and groaned in said bassinet portion. We barely got any sleep. This chick is LOUD. However, thankfully, her feedings are going really well. She is consistently eating about 2 oz every 3 hours, which is such a large leap from where we started. She is starting to wake up about 15-30 min before she is scheduled to eat and whimpering. Last night she even started to cry a little! Crying is a big deal for this little one, mainly because she really never does it. I know, I know, how crazy am I to actually want her to cry?! But its just a sign of maturity, if she begins to wake up and cry when she's hungry/wet/etc. So I'm secretly rooting for it. Don't tell CJ. 

Thankfully the next day was Sunday and we got to be lazy all day. CJ got up with her around 9 and let me sleep for a few more hours. She completely has her days and nights mixed up, and thoroughly enjoys snoozing all day and grunting/squirming all night. Hopefully as she gets older and wakes up more, we are able to get her into more of a normal routine. Especially when Mommy has to go back to work! I couldn't even fathom being up every 3 hours with her and then going to an 8-9 hour a day job and functioning at a passable level. Thank you Lord that my job is so understanding and wonderful enough to let me come back when everyone is ready. I really am so blessed in that regard. 

Sunday was also bath day, and since we got to bring home her tub from the hospital, this was going to be an easy event for Avery Grace. Except that the little stinker was getting all cleaned up by Mom and Dad when she unceremoniously shotgun pooped into her water. We stared at eachother in abject terror. WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!? I commanded the lead, "Put her in the sink!!" There is the small plastic tub that I took from the hospital to wash my breast pump parts in, which she was promptly lowered (slash squeezed) into. I ran to the bathroom and threw the poopy tub into my bathtub and turned the water on. I madly dashed back into the kitchen to make sure no one was breaking my baby. Let me tell you something I learned yesterday during bathtime: Babies are slippery when wet. We had the hardest time getting all her nooks and crannies clean when she was so soapy. When she's splayed out in her normal tub, it was relatively easy. But not when she's squooshed into a 6x6 plastic tub. We warmed a towel and put her in it as fast as we could. She was so docile and calm... I walked her back into her nursery with stars in my eyes. And pee running down my leg onto the carpet. Her pee. I had to laugh. I yelled for CJ, and being the OCD maniac that he is, the man immediately wiped down every inch of Avery's lower half with wipes and got on his hands and knees with carpet cleaner in a minute flat. 

Other than that, we've really been quite boring. My dad finally got to hold the baby bear. It was so amazing to watch them together. The love that I know he feels for my daughter is electric. I can't wait for her to grow up and have some of the experiences with him that I did when I was younger. In all the ways he maybe isn't the best dad, I know he will excel at being a grandfather. I couldn't ask for a better one for my child. Grandpa Warbucks, we love you!! 

Grandma came over today and held Avery while I showered and did laundry. Bless you, Grandma! We are so thankful for you! She also got AG to burp when I couldn't..... let me just say that patting a little girl's back for 5-10 minutes is not exactly my idea of fun. I mean, I'll do it. And I'll get frustrated because she is clearly so uncomfortable and squirmy and turning freaking purple, and yet I can maybe get one burp out every time she eats, if I'm lucky. 2 burps per feeding would be the greatest Christmas present I could ever get. Can I write to Santa about that? How many cookies do you think it would take to get me 16 burps a day? 

Generally speaking, she is a perfect baby. I mean, I have little to compare her to. But she doesn't cry, she eats well, and she sleeps most of the time. I know as she gets older, these things might change. Thank GOD for the vibration on the Newborn Napper part of her Pack n Play... this is the only way she got any rest last night. However, shes in this beside me right now and groaning up a storm. So maybe I spoke too soon ; ) Today was my first day alone with the wee lass... Dad had school from 11-3, so the girls got to stay home and snuggle. And that's exactly what we did! She slept on my chest for most of the morning, and it was amazing. To look down and see her eyes, feel her breath, smell the sweetness of her skin. I could never ask for more.

God is so good! I missed church again on Sunday, but plan to go this week for sure. I have more to be thankful for than anyone in the whole world, it feels like. Everything is so free, so grand, so blessed. I found myself mid morning remembering that I hadn't thanked God for this day yet! One thing I never, ever want to do is fall down on my thankfulness or prayer life just because Avery is home and all is seemingly "in the clear". God is not a convenient store... I am not going to go to Him just because and when I need something. Thank you Lord for continuing to bless our family, for bringing Avery home, for guiding CJ and I in the best way to parent our daughter, for giving us all the strength and love we need to be the best Mom and Dad, husband and wife, daughter and sons, that we can be. Thank you for your grace, your mercy, thank you for never leaving our sides, not for one single moment. Please keep Avery safe, keep her growing, keep her healthy and strong. I give our lives to you, for you to mold them into whatever is pleasing to you. 

By the way, Bowie is doing GREAT with Avery. He clearly can't figure out what the heck she is, or why she's so loud, but he's more concerned about why I can go into her nursery and he can't. He remains my most devoted furry friend. Thank you Lord that he's not trying to attack her or anything like that. She actually sleeping right now on one side of the couch and he's at the other end, snoozing away. 

Life is good. God has blessed us so abundantly! We are taking the time to relish in each other : ) Hope wherever you are right now, you are able to do the same with the ones that mean the most to you! xox