Day 14- Happy 2 Week Old Baby Day! (33 Week Gestational Age)

Me and my favorite Girl

Happy 2 Week Birthday, Avery Grace!

8:30 AM- We were excited to see our girl this morning after not having seen her in more than 12 hours! That's a long time for Mom at least. She still hadn't pooped by herself (24 hours now) so that's always a bit of a let down, although the nurse said that she was hearing lots of grumbles in her tummy, so that's good. At 36 hours with no stool, they will give her an enema. Which I know doesn't hurt anything, but I know she can do it on her own, and I guess I just look at that as a very minor setback. I never know what that will signal to the doctor. We decided since we were going to miss her 11:30 touch time in order to go to church, that we would do her bath at 2:30 (glad the nurse is working with us on this issue!) So I got to swaddle hold her while she ate. Except that about 10 minutes in, I noticed she looked like she was gagging. My heart jumped into my throat. I was watching her trying to figure out what was going on when she threw up breastmilk all over herself. Let me tell you, that was not a pretty sight. Not in the "ugh, that was disgusting" way, but it broke my heart to think that she could be sick or something could be wrong. She's never done that before and it terrified me. I don't really care for the nurse we have today, I think she is a fresh graduate and she doesn't have the greatest calming bedside manner. I mean, I was inwardly freaking out and asking her if that was normal. Her response was, "Well, its not normal persay, but it happens." Oh, okay, well thank you for quieting my inner PARANOIA!! The nurse took her and put her back in her isolette where she cleaned her off with a wipey. I told her to go ahead and bathe her at 11:30 since she was dirty now : ( Since Avery had also thrown up her feeding tube, they took the tape off her chin and I was able to see her with absolutely no wires or monitors of any kind on her. She is breath-taking. I cannot wait to have her home and looking like that all the time. I am scared I'll just watch her every second of the day and not care what happens in the outside world. I'm glad we are going to church so I can pray for peace and for the calming of Avery' tummy and for poop! I did call at 10 and her nurse said she had finished the rest of the milk with no problem, so that did a little to ease my fear.

11:30 AM- We were at church at this time and could not see the babe. Church was AMAZING and was exactly what I needed. I cried out to God and I know that He and I connected this morning in a supernatural way. I am blessed for going to this service and feeling, more than ever, that God is going to heal my daughter. When we called, we got the news that she had 3 cc's digested milk still in her belly (residuals), still no poop, and no more spit up. She is still on clear fluids (sugar water) at a very minimal dose. They upped her feedings to 28 mL plus calories so getting back residuals was kind of expected. This is her full feed amount for her weight, which is a good thing to reach if she tolerates it.
2:30 PM- Praise the Lord! This time had much better results. She only had 1 cc of residual milk, she pooped yellow 3 DIAPERS WORTH!! (Quite a sight to see her projectile poop all over me and her nurse. I think her nurse was annoyed but I was laughing with joy). She was awake and quiet and so her and I talked for a long time. It's so nice to spend that alone time with my child, especially when I know she is doing good.
5:30 PM- Her nurse told me when I came in that she had another episode of spit up, albeit a lot smaller. She had 3 cc's residual again and no poopy diaper. Not the best news ever, but after the last touch time, I was feeling confident that at her kangaroo care tonight, things would turn around and we could end on a high note.
8:30 PM- Which brings me to right now. Just got home and am pumping and trying my very hardest not to cry. Avery lost about 30 grams today (how in the world that happened with this much extra feeds plus calories and only pooping once is beyond me, and its frustrating when the nurses try to tell me its not concerning. Well listen, it is concerning to me.) She is back to about 3 lbs and 9 oz. She also had 4 cc's of digested breast milk and it was "slightly tinted yellow". The nurse practioner said to go ahead and throw it out (not to refeed it to her) and we would "keep a close eye on her overnight". They said that maybe it's the stomach getting used to the new amount of feeds/calories and that maybe even the calories fluid could cause the milk to be yellow tinted (has happened in the past)... all explanations I am begging God for it to be other than Avery's stomach not to be tolerating this combination. 4 cc's, while not concerning to the nurses, is also the most she's given back thus far, and worries me. I'm trying more than you know to be strong. I do trust in God that this is His plan for our daughter. I do have faith that she will come out of this okay. But its the in between part that I'm struggling with. Especially tonight. I really don't even have the emotional energy to finish typing what I would like to. All I want to do is cry... because I miss my baby. I want to hold her and snuggle with her and read to her and make her laugh. I want her body to be fully functioning and for us to never have to hear another alarm go off on a monitor and have our hearts stop b/c that might be an alarm for our daughter. I want her to be better than okay. And I'm having a really hard time dealing with the slight setbacks in her progress. So tonight I'm going to bed with my streaked makeup still on and I'm going to pray that when I call to check on her at 1:30, the news is better than okay.

If everyone could please pray for Avery's tummy- that she continues to poop/pee on her own, that she gains healthy weight, that the amount of residuals they get back from her are minimal to non-existent and that they are not any other shade other than white. Please pray that she is able to tolerate this feeding amount/added calories. She has labs being drawn at 5:30 AM and we will get results by 8:30- please pray that all comes back perfectly and nothing is abnormal.

While I am weak tonight, I know that in my weakness, God prevails strong as ever. I have faith that He will bring us through this period of trial, no matter how small it is. I believe in the power of prayer, and I thank each and every one of you who is praying for Avery. God is gonna get us through!