Day 23- Tuesday, November 8th
- I gave her a bath all by myself! She wasn't very happy about this. I like giving it to her with Dad much better. She was kicking her frog legs and trying to escape the tub the whole time. Although true to form, she did settle down and zone out when I washed her hair! She loves it. And when you wrap that warm towel around her. She's so darn cute, even when she's screaming. This morning she had 2 cc's residual and that was on her left side... so she is definitely getting better at digesting on that side. Wahooo!! She also pooped about 4 times including all over my hand directly before I put her in the bath. Stinker.
- She took her whole bottle + vitamins at the next touch time. She also had no residuals! The doctor had rounded and didn't change anything either.
- She had 4 cc's residual at the next touch time and pooped and peed in 2 diapers. They also stopped her caffiene which is a good step in the "big girl" direction. Hopefully she doesn't start having Brady episodes now... only time will tell, but I don't think she will. She is getting more vocal especially when she's hungry, which is good. The nurse also said that she doesn't think she will have any problems controlling her temp once she is in an open air crib. She is hot natured, just like Mom and Dad!
- She had basically no residuals the rest of the night, and pooped one more time. She took her whole bottle @ 8:30! And she weighed 1786 grams or 3 lbs 15 oz : ) We were so overjoyed, it was ridiculous. Went home with huge smiles on our faces. God is good!!
Day 24- Wednesday, November 9
- She took her whole bottle this morning in 10 minutes! Had only 1/2 a cc of residual and had the CUTEST long sleeved onesie on this AM. I was so proud of my baby. She is clearly going to rock this bottle feeding thing and we rejoice in that.
- I saw in her chart that she hasn't had a Brady episode since 11/3- that is awesome! So happy about that!
- The doctor upped her feeding amount from 32 to 35 cc's and added a 3rd bottle. She had 1 cc residual at 11:30 and was a very sleepy girl
- At 2:30, she pooped. A lot. As I was walking into the hospital, I saw 2 families leaving with their new babies. I don't know why, but all of the sudden, I wanted to scream-cry. If you know me, this terminology is nothing new. I found myself being.... I guess jealous. Sad. Wondering why in the world that couldn't have been me. Why didn't I get to carry my child out of the hospital 3 days after she was born and put her in the Pack N Play next to our bed and get to love on her and hold her whenever I wanted? Holding back the tears was hard. I washed my hands and bit my lip and told myself (as cliche as this sounds) that Avery needed me to be strong for her. That crying is not going to make her a full term baby. That she is healthy and she is happy, just like those babies, and really, that is the most important thing. So I went to feed her that 2nd bottle of the day. And she ate all of it again in 10 minutes! I was relieved. Until she promptly spit up about half of it. They wouldn't re-feed her because they didn't know exactly how much she spit back up. But I could tell that she was still hungry... she was fussy and sucking her hands and opening her mouth a lot. That feeling, that your child is hungry and there is nothing you can do, is probably the worst I have ever felt. I walked to the car in a daze, closed the door and collapsed. I cried in the car, on the way home, at home with CJ, in my bedroom alone... the tears wouldn't stop. I wasn't prepared for setbacks. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to eat all her bottles like she had been and keep them down and grow. I knew for sure she would lose weight today. One more step back from where we needed to be. Even through the hopelessness I felt this afternoon.... I thanked God. Through the tears, I thanked Him and praised Him and trusted Him. I want you to know that I am not always strong and I do doubt that we will ever get to bring her home. They say, "Take it one day at a time." Its so very hard to do this when every day feels like a year. But I am never, even for one moment, not grateful for what God is doing in Avery's life. And I can be sad, and I can cry, and I can be stressed out, and none of that has to mean that I doubt the Lord's power. And I don't. I just miss my baby.
- At 8:30 I was still a little worse for wear. I didn't really want to go up to the hospital, b/c I just knew that seeing her lose weight and probably spit up again would put the nail in the coffin that was my emotional demise today. But I just miss her face so much. And surprise!! She only lost 3 grams. Which is basically a couple drops of pee. It's nothing. (Praise the LORD!!) She took the 30 minutes allotted to eat her bottle and at the end, she did spit up again. Not as much as the first time, and the nurse was amazing and hugged me and explained to my weary face that this is really normal. And she didn't spit up half the bottle again. We are just asking her to do more work than she is used to, and that takes getting used to.
- I slept through (or the alarm didn't go off) at my 1:30 pump time. My body woke me up at 5 and that was... well the pain was bad. Pray that doesn't happen again!
We are off right now (Thursday) to feed her. Please, please, please pray she has no more wet burps and that she keeps all of her bottles down today. She doesn't have that far to go to hit 1800 grams and get into that open air crib. We continue to trust the Lord and praise Him for everything He's done, and even though I am emotionally exhausted, I put 100% of my faith in Him. He is so good and faithful to Avery. We want that weight gain tonight!! Thank you so much, to everyone who prays and keeps me sane. I love you guys. xox
No comments:
Post a Comment