Day 34 Photos

Oh I live the hardest life

I'm too tired to eat... so sue me!

Daddy loves his little girl

They look  a lot alike 

Sleeping Beauty

Well, no such luck with the uneventful evening. We went over to my Dad's for dinner and it was delicious. Even though we were all worried about Avery, it was a nice time to get together and visit. Then CJ called the hospital to make sure Avery took her bottle at 8:30. Not only had she not taken it at all, they decided they'd have to re-insert her feeding tube in order to make sure she was getting her milk. I don't know what happened after that really. I fell apart. Pretty badly, actually. I don't think I've cried like that.... ever, I guess. All I could think about was that we were taking a huge step backwards and the finish line might as well be somewhere around her 1st birthday. I was largely inconsolable... much apologies to my husband, dad and stepmom. I know it seemed in those hours like I had lost hope and it was hard for you to see my heart break in that way. I'm so blessed with a wonderful family who literally feels my pain and goes through the dark times with me. CJ had them run a blood culture to check for infection, as perhaps this was the culprit in her decision to no longer eat from a bottle. The NICU decided they would tube feed her the following two feeds and then try a bottle at 5:30 AM. He went up to the NICU to be with Avery at 11:30 while I stayed home and got back down on my knees to talk to God. "Okay Lord... I did ask you to close the door if You didn't want us to take her home yet, but now I'm ready for a window! Please God, open a window for me". I must have passed out sometime around 1, I'm not really sure. I don't remember my husband coming home. But when I woke up the next morning, before I had even opened my eyes, I heard him say, "She took her whole bottle Brady free in 15 minutes this morning. See, Babe.... she just needed a little rest. She's gonna be fine." There's my window creaking open : )