Day 37- Our Miracle Baby

Sleepy Girl after her bottle/bath

She is the cutest bug ever!

Daddy and Baby Bear

Grandma getting her loves in for the day 

That's simply what I have to say about our daughter. She is our miracle baby. She continues to remind us that God is present in every moment. She could have had a lot more problems than the tiny ones she has encountered. 9 weeks early is a lot. There is so much development that occurs in that time.... development that is much harder to accomplish when the baby is outside the womb. Development that shouldn't have to happen outside the womb, but does. And my child is living proof that miracles happen. That just because life doesn't always work out the way you plan, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. That goodness, and positive things, and wonderful blessings can spring from even the darkest places in life. I thank God for this revelation, and keep it at the forefront of my mind, every day. Because sometimes, you really, really have to actively search out the goodness in a day. The positive stuff. I have had the propensity in the past 5 weeks to hear 1 million and 4 good things about Avery, and hone in on the mere suggestion of something potentially negative. But I'm resolving to no longer do that. Because every day is a choice. A choice to be positive, to smile, to rest easy in God's mercies. And that's a choice I'm making today.

Baby Bear had a great day today. She took a bottle at 5:30 AM and then had a bath at 8:30. We were thinking she'd be wiped out so we went ahead and fed her after the bath so she could rest at 11:30. I could tell she was tired, but she did not Brady at all. She was actually very awake after the bottle! Which has been typical in the past. Sleepy during, wide eyed and bushy tailed after.... can we please switch this?!

However at 11:30, she was wide awake and rooting, so I decided to chance it and go ahead and feed her. She took her bottle plus another bottle with vitamins in it in about 8 minutes. The doctor came around with the nurse practitioner and wrote orders for Avery that stated she could have a bottle whenever she wanted and if she was too sleepy, they could also tube feed her whenever necessary. I think that staying at 6 bottles (unless she is very awake and rooting/cuing) is good to stay at for now. The nurse said that "Avery is perfect, we're just crossing our fingers that the eating continues to go well". All we are waiting on to go home is getting and staying comfortably at full feeds, I would say with her tube out maybe 2-3 days (in my mind) at 8 bottles in order to come home. And again, I am in no rush. We can ride this out till the cows come home as long as Avery is doing well.

At 2:30 even though she was awake and probably could have eaten, I wanted to give her a break and so we tube fed her as Grandma held her. They love each other so much! It's awesome to get to see that bond. I know she will definitely be a Grandma's girl, just like I was. Can't wait for her to get to have more time with my parents and family. I wish Thanksgiving could have happened, but we wait patiently and trust that God has a great plan for health and homecoming!

At 5:30, she took her bottle in 10 minutes with no problems, and at 8:30 we fed her in 6 minutes!! She was wide awake through whole feeding. God is so good! Tonight was a big milestone for Mom and Dad and Baby in the weight department: 5 lbs .8 oz!! She is getting heavier by the minute! We are so blessed. Her cheeks are certifiably chubby : ) I can't stop kissing them, I'll tell you that. I left and told the night nurse, please only feed her by bottle IF she fully awake. She had had 5 bottles by that time and I was happy with that. When I called at 3 to check on her 11:30 and 2:30 times, Leanne kindly informed me that Avery was awake well before her touch times, being a squirmy bug and had taken both bottles in 5 and then 6 minutes. How AWESOME is that?!? I couldn't barely go back to sleep, I was a mix of happy and anxious. Were we beginning to push her too hard again? Would she become overwhelmed all over and stop eating or start Bradying again? And the thing that finally put me to sleep is the answer: her story is already written. Whether she takes every bottle from here to eternity in record breaking time, or she does tire out and we have to go back to tube feeding some, God has already blessed her. And no amount of worry or anxiety is going to change it. I've already given the situation to Him, so I just gotta totally let Him have it!!

There is a book at the NICU front desk that is called The Work of Your Hand by Victoria Leland, a NICU nurse and photographer. I flipped through it absentmindedly a couple times and saw that it had some interesting chapters, namely "Rollercoaster" and "Lord, Why MY Child?" And yes, she as a NICU nurse and preemie mom says it is totally normal to feel not only grief but guilt. The thing that really struck me especially in the chapter titled Rollercoaster (as I say this journey is every single day) is that she compares the journey in the NICU to something completely different. She suggests we use the biblical parable of a boat on a stormy sea, as people typically choose to get on a rollercoaster, and most do not choose to be abandoned in a frail boat on stormy waters (as told in Mark 6: 45-51) The disciples were alone on the sea, terrified at the sight of Jesus walking on the water. But He came and got in the boat with them and said "Courage! It is I. Do not be afraid!" As soon as He said this, the winds died. The author says that God sees me and my fears. He knows how scared I am for Avery. But I have to not try and steer this boat alone. If I call out to God, confess my fears, He will come and get in the boat with me, He will make sure the winds will die and we will be safe. "He may not steer that boat in the direction you desire, for only God knows where this difficult journey will take you and your baby. But He can calm the seas around you and bring you peace." I like this much more than the rollercoaster. And I feel that right now, this is exactly what the Lord is doing. I am crying out to Him, telling Him I can't do this alone, asking Him to come and give me comfort no matter what happens around me. And I can tell you, He is absolutely doing this. He may not answer our prayers the way we are praying them, but they are answered no matter what. They are answered according to His plan, and I know that in the end, that is better for my soul than anything I could pray for that I want to happen.

Let's keep praying that Avery gains weight every day, that she keeps taking her bottles and stays awake for them. No matter how many she feels like eating! That she remains a happy, healthy little one- that there are no Bradys in her future. I pray for forward and positive progress, and thank you for agreeing with me in prayer for that.

We love you guys and thank you for your prayers and support. Our babe is on the "right track", as the doctors/nurses keep saying... and I know she is. She's on God's track! There's no better one to be on. Have a great day! xox